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Michele Bachmann recently came out in favor of waterboarding: “Ya know, just because it’s unpopular, that’s no reason to keep it out of The Olympics!”
Next time you go to a seafood restaurant, order the roughy. And to drink, a smoothie.
I saw J. Edgar. It sucked. Like a Hoover.
That “sweat lodge” guy, James Arthur Ray, got sentenced to two years. “I just hope they keep my cell at a comfortable temperature…”
Joe Paterno has lung cancer. A sculptor will therefore be removing one lobe of the left lung from his statue at Penn State.
A first grade teacher is accused of making kids give her foot rubs. Sandusky’s reaction: “See, she’s twice as bad as me. I just make kids rub six inches.”
NASA is recruiting new astronauts. Their ad: “How would all you losers just taking up space like to take up space?”
The Postal Service is losing billions. Hey, geniuses – start by saving money by not putting mail boxes in front of every single post office.
Neil Berliner is a writer for the syndicated late-night comedy talk show, The John Kerwin Show. He is a practicing M.D. and comedy writer, and has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.