News from the Crib by Alex Barnett: Ivan’s Parenting Tip #69 – The Nap

By | Posted Thursday, September 13, 2012

News from the Crib - Alex BarnettMy wife and I have an infant son named Ivan. He is one-year old. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#69): The Nap

1. My husband and I have a one-year old son. He refuses to nap. Why is this? He’s afraid that when he’s asleep you’ll take his stuff.

2. What stuff? What do you mean “what stuff?” His stuff. His collection of toys. His diapers. All the stuff that you think is yours, but which you are really just holding on to for him when you leave it to him in your will.

3. Why is it important for babies to take naps? You wouldn’t ask this if you had to spend all day with you.

4. Very funny. Is there a developmental reason? Yes, while the child is napping he or she is able to dream up ways to take your money, your life-force, and your possessions, while still living in your home rent-free.

5. If it’s important for babies to nap, why isn’t it important for adults to nap? Because your life is over already. You don’t know it yet, but there’s really no point in giving rest and an opportunity for restoration to someone who’s basically done.

6. Can a baby nap too long? No. You can never nap too long. You can nap too short. Basically, any time the baby wakes up and you’re still there — that means the nap was too short.

7. Is it good to read a child to sleep when you’re trying to get them to nap? Yeah, I hope you can find someone in your household who can read.

8. At what age should the baby stop napping? When he gets big enough to no longer be cute.

9. Is it okay for the baby to ever skip a day of naps? Yes. If you do something really stupid, it’s okay for the baby to stay awake to witness it.

10. Are there any tricks to use to get the baby to nap? Well, if you continue to be really boring, that should work.

Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.