My wife and I have a 15-month old son named Ivan. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#76) — Housebound in a Storm.
1. My wife and I are housebound with our 15-month old son during the Hurricane Sandy aftermath. Is it okay to watch TV with our son? Yeah, but just remember that reality TV is not “educational television.”
2. Is it okay to watch the news with our son? Sure. He knows that no matter how bad the news, the news that you’re his parents is much worse.
3. What sort of snacks are okay? Avoid anything that causes gas (that goes for you and your wife as well). Also, if anyone besides your son gains weight while you’re housebound, that’s bad.
4. How do we keep our son entertained while we’re housebound? Just act like yourselves. You’re both clowns, so he should be rolling.
5. Is it safe to go outside? Well, after someone farts, I’d suggest that it’s safer outside than inside.
6. What should we have in our “go-bag?” I suggest a lot of “go, get out of town.” I guarantee that when you’re gone, your son will be very excited.
7. No, seriously, what should be in the “go-bag?” Well, I’d start with diapers. If you don’t have those, it won’t matter what else you have.
8. How do we get back to normal when the storm is over? Think of what other people are like and do that.
9. When can we return to our lives? You and your wife can never return to your lives. You decided to have a child. Your lives are over.
10. Will being housebound scar are son? Not if you and your wife don’t look at him or talk to him while you’re housebound.
Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, CNN.com and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at www.alexbarnettcomic.com, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
