My wife and I have 16 month-old son named Ivan. He is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called:
#TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#87) – Flu Season.
1. We have a 16-month old toddler. Should we get flu shots? I’d recommend shots of Tequila, but if flu shots are all you have, so be it.
2. How do we know if our child has the flu? Do you have eyes and ears? If so, you’ll know.
3. What do we do if our child gets the flu? Berate yourself for being bad parents.
4. Is the flu contagious? Only at times when it’s really inconvenient to get it. For example, if you have a vacation coming up, do not go anywhere near someone with the flu. On the other hand, if your life is a boring, directionless waste, then you should feel free to walk amongst flu sufferers.
5. Where did the flu originate? On Earth. This is real life we’re talking about, not a comic book or some weird sci-fi zombie apocalypse TV show.
6. How long does it take to recover from the flu? It depends on how long you want people to feel sorry for you. In the case of a narcissistic toddler, they’ve been known to milk it till they’re headed off to college.
7. What types of flu are the most prevalent? The bad kinds.
8. If our child gets the flu do we need to take him to the hospital? No, I’d suggest taking him to the house of someone you really don’t like who you’d like to see get very, very ill.
9. What is in a flu shot? The flu vaccine. And, reportedly, the tears of joy of one million pharmaceutical executives.
10. Are some children more prone to getting the flu than others? Yes, the ones who are exposed to the flu are much more likely to get it than those who aren’t.
