One of Mike’s current comedy project is “Star Poop”, a daily observation on different celebrities’ pathetic attempts to deal with life situations, taken to their most Kardashianistic conclusions. Mike benevolently doles this out at no cost to you, every single day, on a thing you’re familiar with called Facebook. One recent entry:
BON JOVI DEATH A HOAX; SOUTHSIDE JOHNNY INCONSOLABLE
While the demise of rock star Jon Bon Jovi turned out to be merely a hoax, there is one victim still reeling from yesterday’s internet prank.
John Lyon, the singer-songwriter for Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, has been shaken and depressed since learning that Bon Jovi was still alive.
“What? No, that can’t be… I just saw on Facebook that he died,” the visibly upset Lyon said at the Secaucus, New Jersey Applebee’s where he and the Jukes perform each week as part of the restaurant’s ‘Hamburgers and Has-Beens Monday.’ “We were going to move up the Jersey band ladder… He’s alive?.. Goddammit!”
For all of Morse’s “Poop” in one place visit his Facebook page.
So Mike and I were at a dinner honoring Pat Cooper at the Friar’s Club, and the fat old drunk lawyer sitting to my right is chewing my ear off about how he hates his wife, is cheating on her with his super-hot trophy date, and how she’s so into the revolting mass of ancient Friar protoplasm that defines him. Finally, I can’t take it any more, so I turn to Mike and I say, within the whole table’s earshot, “Ya know, Mike, I haven’t cheated on my wife in twenty years”, to which he immediately replied, “Well no kidding, just look at ya!”
One last adventure to relate. I did a gig with Mike a few years ago for one of my med school buddies, who was organizing his local medical society’s annual dinner. Before the show, I told Mike that I thought it would be funny to introduce him using an obscure medical term and then having him shock the crowd by knowing what it means. “What is this, now we’re Martin and Lewis?”, but he agreed to put up with my nonsense:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to the only person in the room who has no idea what ‘thrombocytopenia’ means, my buddy, Mr. Mike Morse!”
Morse: “It means low platelets!!”
Some Favorite “Mike Morse” lines:
“I once pleasured myself to a Barbie doll. And I’m pretty sure I’ll never be invited back to that Toys R Us again!”
“My wife and I don’t want to have any kids. We actually hate kids. Unfortunately, we already have two.”
“Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy…”
Neil Berliner is a writer for the syndicated late-night comedy talk show, The John Kerwin Show. He is a practicing M.D. and comedy writer, and has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter. Visit his new website for comedians, www.NeilBerlinerComedy.com.